Yes, I call it that because 2017 was a year where I felt lost many a time. It was “the” year in my life when I had felt the most directionless, and quite clueless. I wouldn’t call it eventful – days melted into sleepless nights and the year was over even before I realised it had begun. Now as I write this slightly late new year post, I realise that I barely have any recollection of what I did this year.
If there is one thing that defined this year for me, it would have to be baby V’s milestones. Watching him grow up and blossom into this adorable boy has been such a wonderful journey. His growth and naughtiness is sometimes the only thing that reminds me that a whole year has gone by, and last year this time, he was just a teeny tiny baby who was gurgling with laughter.
However, 2018 promises to be a lot more than that. While there will still be a lot of baby V’s now full-throated laughter, and endless cuddles and kisses that make every waking moment worth living, there will also be a lot more of Me! I have made some tough decisions towards the fag end of last year, and this year would be all about taking them forward.
Except.. the first 4 days of this brand new year have shown me how beautifully our best laid plans can fall apart. I’m a sleepless chaotic mess (this is also why this post is 4 days late, instead of being written on the midnight of December 31st with many poignant memories of the year gone by, as I had originally planned).
I have listed down (by pen, mind you) a big bunch of goals and resolutions and to-dos for this year. However, quite a few people have warned me that they’re watching out for my blog posts, and hope that I will blog at least this year.
So, therefore, yeah.. I’m going to keep up this resolution first! Happy New Year folks! May God bless you with your heart’s wish this year.
Writer on the rocks.
After a very long time (thankfully), I’m at a crossroad again. I know I need to go forward, but I don’t know exactly where, and certainly not how.
Sometimes, multiple avenues open up at the same time and thoroughly confuse you. One moment, I appear to be on the cusp of something that could potentially turn out great – but the very next, I see a deep abyss which can really be known only if I actually traverse that path.
It gets worse. Choosing one would cost me the other opportunity forever. The amount of time and effort I need to invest into going into any of these paths is colossal. 2018 might indeed turn out to be the “year of the stretch” for me, irrespective of which path I choose (except if I decide to stagnate, that is).
So, I was in a complete quandary for the past couple of days, and I tried any number of methods (think ‘lots’) to pick one path, but alas, they didn’t work. And just as well.. because when that clarity of thought and decision finally hits you like a bolt of lightning, you know with absolute certainty that you won’t have it any other way. You can be sure that your mind, heart and instincts all point to the same path.
I now have a purpose in mind, and a very long and hard way to go, to get there.
Writer on the rocks
“It is strange how the same thing happens over and over in one’s life – at different places and different times, yes, but the same thing essentially”, she mused. It is even stranger how it invariably ends up drawing out all the faded memories of the “same” things that happened at various times, years ago.
A memory from a college lecture in 2007 flashed before her eyes; as stark and vivid as it had happened yesterday. Another one from her first corporate job, on December 15, 2011 – one of the worst days of her life. She surprised herself by remembering them so clearly; she hadn’t thought about those incidents in years, and didn’t realise they were still lodged at a corner of her limbic system, ready to be retrieved at a moment’s notice.
It made her realise something then; it made her realise something now. She briefly wondered, “Is it I who attract this behaviour from people repeatedly? Or do I simply make friends with the same kind of people all the time?” She smiled sadly, “It doesn’t matter. The world is a treacherous place; the more aware I am of this, and the more cautiously I interact with people, the better it is for me”.
Sometimes, it helps to be a cynic. Sometimes, it helps to be detached. Sometimes, it is the only way to survive in this world.
Writer on the rocks
It is easy to say the “I’m busy; I have a baby” line. Having a baby gives you a convenient excuse to not write; it almost justifies your laziness. Every free moment is spent scrolling through whatsapp and Facebook, and I’ve newly joined the Instagram bandwagon to boot.
So taking the effort to blog or read a book seems like a really tough job! Nowadays, I am so “busy” (read aimless time-wasting, apart from the baby of course), that I have to mark my passions like reading and writing as to-do activities in my To-do list.
But then I came across a new mom who had blogged barely 15 days after the little one’s arrival. It was then that I realised just how much I had missed – I had missed writing through some of the most precious moments of my life; pregnancy and the little one’s birth. I have photographs of course. But for me, they will never invoke beautiful memories the way writing does.
So now that I’ve written enough about not writing, and iterated the importance of writing in my life, I am going to start blogging regularly without further ado. You’re going to be hearing a lot about the bub (henceforth referred to as Baby V), and a lot of other seemingly pointless things that fill my head.
Toodles, and see you very soon! 🙂
It is time to clean up my life – I’m going on a severe decluttering spree – right from my journals at work, to the dusty shelves at home that have accumulated with many bits of infinitely useless things over the years. It is the time to clean it all up, in anticipation of a big arrival in a few months, which will require, and haughtily occupy all this space and more!
There is nothing I like better than spring cleaning! It gives that breath of fresh air to your whole life, and parallelly evokes a freshness in your thought, and a new perspective on things. Of course, I did feel terrible giving away bags and bags of books, but well – I need the space, and the library needs them more than I do.
I felt terrible having to give away perfectly good clothes too – but one ought to be rational! When we’ve consistently been putting on 9 kilograms over 3 months, we ought to realise that some clothes are simply never going to fit us again. And the iron akka’s daughter was going on vacation to her native village, to spend the summer there. She had a look of pure joy in her face when I gave her the clothes, that is unparalleled by anything else I’ve seen so far.
There is a lot more cleaning to do – I’ve only just started. The very thought puts a spring in my step! 🙂
Writer on the rocks
It has been 5 months since I last wrote here, and my life has turned topsy-turvy in the meantime. Topsy-turvy in a good way, rest assured! Sometimes… well, most times, when life hands you something that you weren’t exactly planning or expecting at that point, it takes you a while to regain your balance, to come back to normal.
Well, there is no coming back to normal; in retrospect, you just find a new sense of balance – a new normal. And it has taken me all this while to find my new normal; what’s more, I know that in a few very short months, I’ll be going through this exact phase all over again! (hint: expect a hiatus from the blog then too). However, post that hiatus, you can expect a ton of posts here, as I will have a ton of new experiences to write about! 🙂
The one thing I did learn in such times, is to never lose yourself amidst the chaos. This realisation has dawned on me, upon suddenly realising that I have read exactly one book since the beginning of the year, and blogged zero posts. Amidst my progressively busy life, with new experiences almost every day, I have also taken a resolution to steadfastly stick to the old! Always try your best to be and do what is closest to your heart, and you will survive practically anything. 🙂
Writer on the rocks
That time when I am suddenly seized with a bout of reflection on how pathetically I am living my life. Bouts that come when I suddenly get enough time to actually reflect on my life. Bouts that come when I suddenly come across shared quotes on Facebook that talk about how you should live life to the fullest, and do what makes you happy.
Bouts that make me realise that I am not doing exactly that!
Yes, I am lazy like that.I somehow miraculously have time to check the Facebook newsfeed every day (and nowadays, I even manage to scroll through, and endlessly “heart” posts on Twitter), but I whine and whine inanely about not having time to blog, or pursue my passion for writing, like this mundane post.
Ah! I feel much better already; venting out in a public space is sometimes all you need. Okay, so I am going to stop now, and start doing something worthwhile, like revamping my life!
Writer on the rocks