And there it is – Judgement, which I firmly believe, is the bane of our existence. We are all surrounded by people who constantly judge us on the way we think, the way we act, the way we approach situations.. every minute of every day, and are also unfortunately officious enough to keep telling us what they think we should do! 😦
The problem arises when either of us think that the other is wrong – well, the truth is — There is no right or wrong! There are always multiple ways of looking at a situation; there are ALWAYS going to be different things that you can do about it..
As it turns out, most people tend to believe that the only way to do anything is the way they do it. If you do anything else at all, they’ll lose no time in pointing out how it should be done. If they’re not doing that, then you can be sure that they’re talking behind your back to someone about what you did, and what you should have done instead! This is an endless vicious circle…
I’m not sure that anyone is an exception to this rule; we’ve all judged someone at some point, and been judged plenty. It starts with the little things (“Look how she is wearing a tight shirt; why can’t she wear a Kurta like everyone else?” is something I hear quite often!) There is nothing really wrong with wearing a fitting shirt, as long as a girl can carry it with confidence. Or maybe that girl is not carrying it well.. so why not help her do that? Does saying that the shirt looks bad on her (to someone else) help either her or someone else?!…
And moves on to the huge things like – “This divorcee married that guy.. and now no one is happy!” What? A divorcee doesn’t deserve to be happy? She is still a woman in her mid-twenties just like you and me.. do you honestly expect her to spend the rest of her life alone? How do you know that no one is happy? Obviously, she and her now-husband chose to marry each other because they like/love each other, or for whatever other reason. Anyway, is it really any of our business how she chooses to spend her life?
In a utopian world, people should be able to do whatever they want without the fear of others’ judgement constantly hanging over their heads. Well.. either that, or people should have the balls to do exactly what they want, without giving a damn about the fact that others are judging. However, that is only a temporary (and let’s face it, highly unrealistic) solution; we all know what we ultimately want in life.
Of course, the only thing we can really do is to keep ourselves in check – because, even accusing someone of being judgmental would mean that we are judging them … which I now realise, is what I’ve been doing in this post! 😐 I know this post borders on angsty, but I’ve been thinking that maybe I’m in a toxic environment where everyone is a tad too judgmental, but then I suddenly realised that I’m just in an environment where everyone’s wavelength just doesn’t match mine. So the things that others are so “judgey” about, seem like perfectly normal every day happenings to me, where I won’t give a second thought to it.
Therefore, going forward, I take a pledge to “Live and let live”; I will follow this approach where I agree to disagree, i.e. I understand that we both have different opinions about something, and I’m perfectly willing to allow you to follow yours, while I follow mine in peace. If anything, if I find your method good, I’ll learn and incorporate it. However, I most certainly wont tell you – “I think you could do this.. or you should have done that instead…”.
Writer on the rocks.