I know I’ve shamelessly plagiarised the title of this post from a popular song, but of late, I’ve been wondering what the hell I’m doing with my life?! And so this is going to be a real-quick post where I rant 😦
Everyday I wake up to the incessant shrill ring of the alarm (the fact that the alarm tune is one of my favourite songs doesn’t mitigate the irritation unfortunately). I wake up as tired as I was when I went to sleep, with a huge yawn and a confused jumble of “Things-to-do-today” going through my mind.
15 minutes later, even before my coffee (or rather tea, in my case), I am slightly more awake, with a resolve to enjoy/live life to the fullest today. I plan the “things-to-do-today”, but actively, and with more clarity and purpose. Please note: this list contains such stuff like “finish reading these many chapters in that book”. Because, of late, I’ve realised that a working woman + homemaker finds it impossible to find time to read a book!
And then I start doing them. and all goes to hell!
I cook, clean, make the bed, light the lamps, wash the clothes (I just put them in the machine and hang them to dry afterwards, but hey! that occupies a good 15 minutes of your time and energy!), have lunch, clean up afterwards, and by this point, I am so damn tired that I just want to relax and watch a good TV show. But I look at the clock.. and it is already past 12 PM.
My cab to work will come in around 1 PM, and I groan, thinking that I haven’t even decided what to wear today, and I can’t wear that cute top that is super comfortable and makes me look super sexy without making me look slutty, because I just wore it to work a couple of days back!!! 😦 My cupboard is so messy that when I open it, all my clothes fall on top of me! I still make a valiant effort to rummage through it and find something decent, but alas! my wardrobe fails me again, and I end up highlighting my eyes and wearing lipgloss to make sure that people don’t notice the fact that salwar-kameezes don’t really suit me.
I have no time or energy left to try a hairstyle that might make me look younger. So I pin up my bangs, tie my hair up with a scrunchy and head to work. Meanwhile, I’ve made a mental note to buy new clothes + clean the wardrobe during the coming weekend so that I don’t have such a tough time the following week.
By this point, I’m not feeling so great, and am happy to enter the air-conditioned office, as, if nothing else, I will at least get to sit and get some rest in the A/C. But then work is in full flow that day, and I don’t get a moment to move my eyes away from the computer screen. While at work, I suddenly get all upset and cranky about not being able to do what I want to do with my life, and am simply eating, sleeping and paying bills.
I resolve to read that book, because how many books I read in a week/month, and how frequently I read them, and also how fast I finish reading a book, are my metrics of the quality of my life. If I’m able to finish a book within a week, it means that I’m doing great! Whereas, if I’ve been reading/trying to read it for more than 10 days, and haven’t got even halfway through, then something is seriously wrong with my life! Profound right?! 😛
So anyway, at the time of writing this post, I am in the latter phase. So I try and multitask, by eating dinner with my right hand and holding my mobile phone in my left – reading the book on my Kindle for Android app. I don’t get past a chapter, maybe 2 if I stop to drink a juice/milkshake, before my dinner break gets over. I trudge up to the office, feeling worse than before, because I was reading an important scene and I’ve had to stop.
But anyway, work has to go on and such.. my shift gets over, and I go home, barely have the energy to change clothes, and fall on my bed (My husband faithfully has a glass of milk/horlicks ready for me – the only reason my health hasn’t taken a beating yet). I’m almost asleep.. when I suddenly remember that I forgot to set the alarm, and so I wake up and set it…
and we’re back again to the alarm ringing shrilly and incessantly (go back to the top and repeat the reading), because the next day is exactly the same!
And finally, the weekend comes. I repeat the cooking, cleaning part, but I don’t have to go to work! 😀 So with the afternoon being free, I make plans like a superwoman to finally clean my cupboard. And afternoon does come.. but then I realise that I’m too tired to do any sort of work just now.. the laptop sits in a corner and stares at me invitingly with puppy dog eyes. I decide that after all the hard work that I’ve put in throughout the week, I deserve a bit of leisure (never mind the fact that I somehow managed to catch 2 of my favourite shows that morning, while cooking during breaks).
So I start lazily going through my Facebook and Twitter feeds, and end up on WordPress “just to check if anyone has commented on my previous posts”, and before you know it, I’m ranting here about my pathetic schedule! What happened to the cupboard, you ask?! Ah! it remains blissfully untidy, I’m afraid. 😀
Such is life! There are tons of things I want to do in my life, but it seems more and more difficult to find the time to do anything at all. Maybe it is my poor time management skills, maybe my schedule is really that stupid, or maybe it is simply impossible to have it all!
But from today, I’ve resolved (I mean, really resolved) to make time for myself to do the things I’m really passionate about, like reading, blogging, learning more languages, travelling etc. I don’t know how well this is going to work out, but with a little proactive effort, hopefully anything is possible!
Okay, now that cupboard is glaring at me threateningly.. I better go!
Until I find the time to blog again, cheers! 🙂